Last night

Well, 5 3/4ths weeks have flown by. We all knew it would and sitting here tonight realizing that in 24 hours I'll be airborne and on my way home just takes me almost by surprise. When I was in class, 8-15 hour days never felt that long. All that we were doing was enjoyable. I remember hearing, "One week down, three to go." Then before you knew it we heard, "Well, tomorrow is it folks." Wow. It is somewhat like my boys lives ~ I remember so many moments and it is all so vivid, yet when I think back it has been 21 years for Austin and almost 19 for Dalton!

I found myself very busy and yet very relaxed today. I never made it back to the Dragonfly for massage but I was shopping for some last minute gifts at the silk market and found a massage place. Before I knew it I had agreed to a foot and neck massage, a pedicure, a manicure and hand treatment and eyelash extensions. It was Fantastic! Four people working on me all at one. I was laid back in a comfy chair and for 2 - 2 1/2 hours it was blissful. I then finished my shopping only to leave with a new suitcase (a large one) to carry stuff home and discovered I had been there 7 hours!

I began packing and decided to just go have dinner. I went back to the sichuan place and feasted on Fried cow catilage (OMG! AMAZING), tofu & eggs, and sea slugs with pork. It was a delicious dinner. I will miss the variety of foods but i also need to get back to eating less :)

Walking home I was taking in the sights and sounds. It really made me kind of sad. Actually, very sad. I have learned many things on this trip. I learned that even though I am older I am still teachable. I discovered a new unlocked passion for learning and for teaching. I also discovered that I am stronger than I think at times. I know that if anything ever happens and I am alone that I will be ok. I know that coming here has made my kids wonder if I will abandon them in the coming years. I also know and actually always have known that Jim would jump right in with me and follow gladly on any crazy whim I would ever have.

I've no intention to abandon my family, but I do want to spend my latter years exploring and enjoying all there is around me. The thought of just growing old in a stagnant place does not please my soul. I see all the beauty that the Lord has created, and with His blessing I will hopefully have a lifetime of partaking in bits and pieces of what He has created. Thus far my life has been blessed beyond measure ~ I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Tonight as I was walking into my hotel Johan came up along side me. We stood out in the cool air talking. He is so darling. He just turned 21 and is the sweetest boy. He just gave me a hug and told me that he really loved me. It just broke my heart. I have really grown quite fond of several of these kids. His mom died 3 years ago and I really felt a special attachment to him. Being with him made me realize what I have waiting at home.

When I get back Dalton will graduate on April 23rd, therefore ending 14 years of home schooling. Austin will turn 21 May 2nd and in the fall both boys will be gone and it will just be Jim and I and the dogs. So much change is happening in my life. I think in a way I needed to come here because it is my happy place and I needed to have some time to reflect on my life and prepare for the new directions it is taking.

I feel settled. I feel at peace and I feel calm. I know I am ready for the future and I am blessed to have lived the life I have lived and I look forward to what is in store. This 6 weeks of quite has helped me to focus, to re-evaluate and to ground myself. In a sense I had to come 'home' to get there. China is where my heart is. It is where I feel at home. I refuse to think this is the last time I will be here. Whether I get to live here or not, I know I will be back. For anyone who has never felt like this, well, what I am saying sounds utterly foreign and crazy. But for those who do understand....well, I need not say more.