Friday, April 2, 2010
Parting words
For me, one of the greatest pleasures of travel has always been having someone there to share it with. God has blessed me with a fascination for small things. I don't know, I think it is a blessing, others may simply call it A.D.D., but for me it has always been the desire to see past the obvious and catch a glimpse at the otherwise unnoticed. Coming here on my own I was not sure that I could enjoy not having someone to turn to as I saw things unfold and say, "Wow! Did you see that?" or, "Can you believe this?"
Always having had my family members with me, I have always had someone to share in virtually every moment. One of our favorite pastimes is to sit around over dinner and someone will bring up something we did, or saw, or ate. We all chime in on the memory and laugh and have the best time. On this trip I did not have them. I have found that I turned a few times to say, "Look", only to realize I was alone.
This blog has been my new found love. I have taken extra care to pay attention to my surroundings hoping in some small way to shed light on what I am seeing. I have learned to 'be still' and take in the sights and sounds and smells all in an attempt to recreate it for others. Because I have been able to come back at the end of the day and jot my thoughts down, I have never really felt alone.
It has been another amazing chapter in my life. My life is not like one of those long novels that contains 100 pgs per chapter, instead, I read more like a Robert Patterson novel, 3-5 pgs per chapter. This was my interest is always kept and I find I venture out and try so much more. My experiences have been many and I often find myself being surprised at the end of the day as to how many I actually have in a 24 hour period!
I came here with fond memories of China. I knew I loved this place and wondered how being here on a non-tourist level would affect my feelings. I can say, with all honesty - that I leave loving this place perhaps a little more. I love the quite I found in the mist of a chaotic city, I love the peace I found in myself and I love the mystery and calm of the Chinese people. Their lives have been hard, they have suffered and they toil to get by - but I still hear laughter and see smiles (even if only among themselves).
I have made new friends, I have leaned much and I am excited to see my family. I am happy to get back to a 'free' country and to smooch my dog. Thanks to everyone who read along, dropped me a line once in a while and endured my food exploration. I guess it's as good a time as any to tell you all that I won't be returning to facebook when I get home. Although I have enjoyed it and reconnected with many an old friend, it became a bit of an addiction in my life. Being here without the availability of FB I realized how much time I had spent on it. I removed it from my phone and do not plan to frequent it on my computer.
Doesn't mean I care any less about anyone. As times call for reasons to get in touch I'll check in. For now I will refocus on my life, get the house in order and enjoy the few precious months we have with our boys. God really is GOOD. He alone has blessed me and given me so much. This is another one of those times. Thanks boys for surviving without me. Thanks Jim for selflessly giving so I could come. Thanks Connie for posting my blogs. I love you all.
*****the photos are scenes on the graffiti wall by my hotel ******
Always having had my family members with me, I have always had someone to share in virtually every moment. One of our favorite pastimes is to sit around over dinner and someone will bring up something we did, or saw, or ate. We all chime in on the memory and laugh and have the best time. On this trip I did not have them. I have found that I turned a few times to say, "Look", only to realize I was alone.
This blog has been my new found love. I have taken extra care to pay attention to my surroundings hoping in some small way to shed light on what I am seeing. I have learned to 'be still' and take in the sights and sounds and smells all in an attempt to recreate it for others. Because I have been able to come back at the end of the day and jot my thoughts down, I have never really felt alone.
It has been another amazing chapter in my life. My life is not like one of those long novels that contains 100 pgs per chapter, instead, I read more like a Robert Patterson novel, 3-5 pgs per chapter. This was my interest is always kept and I find I venture out and try so much more. My experiences have been many and I often find myself being surprised at the end of the day as to how many I actually have in a 24 hour period!
I came here with fond memories of China. I knew I loved this place and wondered how being here on a non-tourist level would affect my feelings. I can say, with all honesty - that I leave loving this place perhaps a little more. I love the quite I found in the mist of a chaotic city, I love the peace I found in myself and I love the mystery and calm of the Chinese people. Their lives have been hard, they have suffered and they toil to get by - but I still hear laughter and see smiles (even if only among themselves).
I have made new friends, I have leaned much and I am excited to see my family. I am happy to get back to a 'free' country and to smooch my dog. Thanks to everyone who read along, dropped me a line once in a while and endured my food exploration. I guess it's as good a time as any to tell you all that I won't be returning to facebook when I get home. Although I have enjoyed it and reconnected with many an old friend, it became a bit of an addiction in my life. Being here without the availability of FB I realized how much time I had spent on it. I removed it from my phone and do not plan to frequent it on my computer.
Doesn't mean I care any less about anyone. As times call for reasons to get in touch I'll check in. For now I will refocus on my life, get the house in order and enjoy the few precious months we have with our boys. God really is GOOD. He alone has blessed me and given me so much. This is another one of those times. Thanks boys for surviving without me. Thanks Jim for selflessly giving so I could come. Thanks Connie for posting my blogs. I love you all.
*****the photos are scenes on the graffiti wall by my hotel ******
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Last night
Well, 5 3/4ths weeks have flown by. We all knew it would and sitting here tonight realizing that in 24 hours I'll be airborne and on my way home just takes me almost by surprise. When I was in class, 8-15 hour days never felt that long. All that we were doing was enjoyable. I remember hearing, "One week down, three to go." Then before you knew it we heard, "Well, tomorrow is it folks." Wow. It is somewhat like my boys lives ~ I remember so many moments and it is all so vivid, yet when I think back it has been 21 years for Austin and almost 19 for Dalton!
I found myself very busy and yet very relaxed today. I never made it back to the Dragonfly for massage but I was shopping for some last minute gifts at the silk market and found a massage place. Before I knew it I had agreed to a foot and neck massage, a pedicure, a manicure and hand treatment and eyelash extensions. It was Fantastic! Four people working on me all at one. I was laid back in a comfy chair and for 2 - 2 1/2 hours it was blissful. I then finished my shopping only to leave with a new suitcase (a large one) to carry stuff home and discovered I had been there 7 hours!
I began packing and decided to just go have dinner. I went back to the sichuan place and feasted on Fried cow catilage (OMG! AMAZING), tofu & eggs, and sea slugs with pork. It was a delicious dinner. I will miss the variety of foods but i also need to get back to eating less :)
Walking home I was taking in the sights and sounds. It really made me kind of sad. Actually, very sad. I have learned many things on this trip. I learned that even though I am older I am still teachable. I discovered a new unlocked passion for learning and for teaching. I also discovered that I am stronger than I think at times. I know that if anything ever happens and I am alone that I will be ok. I know that coming here has made my kids wonder if I will abandon them in the coming years. I also know and actually always have known that Jim would jump right in with me and follow gladly on any crazy whim I would ever have.
I've no intention to abandon my family, but I do want to spend my latter years exploring and enjoying all there is around me. The thought of just growing old in a stagnant place does not please my soul. I see all the beauty that the Lord has created, and with His blessing I will hopefully have a lifetime of partaking in bits and pieces of what He has created. Thus far my life has been blessed beyond measure ~ I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Tonight as I was walking into my hotel Johan came up along side me. We stood out in the cool air talking. He is so darling. He just turned 21 and is the sweetest boy. He just gave me a hug and told me that he really loved me. It just broke my heart. I have really grown quite fond of several of these kids. His mom died 3 years ago and I really felt a special attachment to him. Being with him made me realize what I have waiting at home.
When I get back Dalton will graduate on April 23rd, therefore ending 14 years of home schooling. Austin will turn 21 May 2nd and in the fall both boys will be gone and it will just be Jim and I and the dogs. So much change is happening in my life. I think in a way I needed to come here because it is my happy place and I needed to have some time to reflect on my life and prepare for the new directions it is taking.
I feel settled. I feel at peace and I feel calm. I know I am ready for the future and I am blessed to have lived the life I have lived and I look forward to what is in store. This 6 weeks of quite has helped me to focus, to re-evaluate and to ground myself. In a sense I had to come 'home' to get there. China is where my heart is. It is where I feel at home. I refuse to think this is the last time I will be here. Whether I get to live here or not, I know I will be back. For anyone who has never felt like this, well, what I am saying sounds utterly foreign and crazy. But for those who do understand....well, I need not say more.
I found myself very busy and yet very relaxed today. I never made it back to the Dragonfly for massage but I was shopping for some last minute gifts at the silk market and found a massage place. Before I knew it I had agreed to a foot and neck massage, a pedicure, a manicure and hand treatment and eyelash extensions. It was Fantastic! Four people working on me all at one. I was laid back in a comfy chair and for 2 - 2 1/2 hours it was blissful. I then finished my shopping only to leave with a new suitcase (a large one) to carry stuff home and discovered I had been there 7 hours!
I began packing and decided to just go have dinner. I went back to the sichuan place and feasted on Fried cow catilage (OMG! AMAZING), tofu & eggs, and sea slugs with pork. It was a delicious dinner. I will miss the variety of foods but i also need to get back to eating less :)
Walking home I was taking in the sights and sounds. It really made me kind of sad. Actually, very sad. I have learned many things on this trip. I learned that even though I am older I am still teachable. I discovered a new unlocked passion for learning and for teaching. I also discovered that I am stronger than I think at times. I know that if anything ever happens and I am alone that I will be ok. I know that coming here has made my kids wonder if I will abandon them in the coming years. I also know and actually always have known that Jim would jump right in with me and follow gladly on any crazy whim I would ever have.
I've no intention to abandon my family, but I do want to spend my latter years exploring and enjoying all there is around me. The thought of just growing old in a stagnant place does not please my soul. I see all the beauty that the Lord has created, and with His blessing I will hopefully have a lifetime of partaking in bits and pieces of what He has created. Thus far my life has been blessed beyond measure ~ I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Tonight as I was walking into my hotel Johan came up along side me. We stood out in the cool air talking. He is so darling. He just turned 21 and is the sweetest boy. He just gave me a hug and told me that he really loved me. It just broke my heart. I have really grown quite fond of several of these kids. His mom died 3 years ago and I really felt a special attachment to him. Being with him made me realize what I have waiting at home.
When I get back Dalton will graduate on April 23rd, therefore ending 14 years of home schooling. Austin will turn 21 May 2nd and in the fall both boys will be gone and it will just be Jim and I and the dogs. So much change is happening in my life. I think in a way I needed to come here because it is my happy place and I needed to have some time to reflect on my life and prepare for the new directions it is taking.
I feel settled. I feel at peace and I feel calm. I know I am ready for the future and I am blessed to have lived the life I have lived and I look forward to what is in store. This 6 weeks of quite has helped me to focus, to re-evaluate and to ground myself. In a sense I had to come 'home' to get there. China is where my heart is. It is where I feel at home. I refuse to think this is the last time I will be here. Whether I get to live here or not, I know I will be back. For anyone who has never felt like this, well, what I am saying sounds utterly foreign and crazy. But for those who do understand....well, I need not say more.
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